Just being honest.

This past week I have had this thought and this feeling to blog about it....I have been ignoring that feeling all week....but it is still there nagging at me. I'm not sure if I am meant to share this to help someone else or if it is for my own growth,  so here is goes.......

I really like to plan things. I like my to do list every day because I feel like I have some control over my day. I just love to plan everything!  This may drive Jeff insane sometimes, but that is who I am. Ever since I was little I would plan and day dream about my life. I had a list in my head of what I wanted to achieve.

 1. Finish my personal progress for young women's...Check
 2. Marry my prince charming in the temple....Double Check :)
 3. Be a stay at home mom......uuuuuuuh

I just love children. I have always felt that being a stay at home mom or just a mom is my calling in life. I feel I was put here to be that. After finding out that it will be hard for this goal to happen....because of health issues on my part..... devastated me. I just have no control over this and it is very hard for me to accept.  I have been so angry, jealous and doubting my self worth..... ugh! that sounds so horrible. But it is true. These past few months have been such a inner struggle for me to get rid of all these feelings.

 I have to admit....when someone does tell me there pregnant I am very happy for them...I really am, but there is always that pain in my gut when I hear it. It brings all these emotions and wanting. Yep that would be Jealousy.

So here I am today sharing this so I can move on from it.  These past couple of years have been hard. But I feel I need to move on and live my life. I feel I have been living the past 3 years longing for a child and having a pity party for my self on something I have no control of. I'm not really living. So I set some new goals for my self this year and I am going to enjoy my life with my husband. When we are blessed with a child it will be a answer to our prayers, but until then I need to figure out what god wants me to do now on this earth.

One of my goals is to continue to love all the children that are already in my life. Try to be a better Aunt and primary teacher because they are here and they need me now. I will also try to be a better wife, friend, daughter, grand daughter and sister....because they don't deserve to be around a angry, jealous person. :) So hello world! I'm here to live!

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!
-Bob Marley

The funny things about marriage.

When two people decide to get married....they start putting all there focus on the wedding day.... to plan the big celebration of two people in love that want to spend forever together. After that wonderful day....it is about two people, with totally different personalities trying to build a life together without the instruction manual. Which is a big adventure!

Since I got married, I love talking to people that are married about marriage. For the advice and wisdom they can offer. It is very interesting how they all can be so much alike, but yet so different. It is also a lot of fun to laugh at the same things other couple are going through, that you are experiencing yourself.


For example it is comforting to know that other wives are going through these and that they are normal:

 - Cant seem to find the opening to the laundry basket syndrome.
 - "Babe can you please wait until the commercial" syndrome.


It is also very comforting to know that other husbands are going through these and that they are normal:

- leave every single pair of shoes she owns all over the house syndrome
- I will wear my dress pants with 3 creases in them because my wife claims she can iron syndrome.

Even though these sound so annoying. They make me laugh. These things make us "us" in our marriage. I just love this quote-

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without." ~James C. Dobson

This quote is sooooo true.....Even though sometimes I grumble about his laundry not being in the basket....I cant picture my life any other way :)......I cant live without him!..... ( Wait am I saying I cant live without the dirty laundry? WOW)

New year's with Notre Dame.

For a Christmas present I got Jeff tickets the the Sun Bowl in El Paso, Tx.  Notre Dame was going to be playing Miami. El Paso is only 4 hours from here, so it wasn't that bad of a drive.

We went up the night before. It was snowing here in Arizona, so we wanted to beat the weather. It snowed the whole way there and our car looked like this.

Freezing!

The Game was awesome! It was very cold but Notre Dame Won!!! Go Irish!

It was worth sitting in the snow...because the smile on this guys face is priceless!

Christmas in Las Vegas.

We were able to spend our Christmas vacation with Jeff's family in Vegas!

Christmas day Jeff and I drove up to Vegas to see the Las Vegas temple all decorated for Christmas.

Do you see the Christmas lights? We didn't either....we were very surprised this temple didn't decorate for Christmas. Jeff and I had a very relaxing Christmas night and were looking forward to seeing his family.

The next day his family arrived and we had such a great vacation together. We shopped, gambled, and ate lots of yummy food. This was the first time we have all been together in 4 years! Thank you Scott and Mom S. for a great vacation! We loved seeing you! We love all of you!